News:

New Board created - Goofy Pic Posting. Go populate it and stuff.  :P

Main Menu

* TalkBox

TalkBox v1.0
 

Miyuki the New Office Lady (fiction, FD/W)

Started by jlg77, June 08, 2011, 03:02:03 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

jlg77

My first contribution. Let me know what you think.

Mydnyght Edgeworth

It wasn't that bad for your first attempt. It had quite a decent lead-in. However, the story ended very abruptly.

SPOILER SPACE (highlight with your mouse to read):
[ooc]After all, Miyuki's accident happened before break time. You failed to explain whether she eventually went home early or spent the rest of her 9-hour workday in her wet skirt or what. How would she get over this incident, or does she at all?[/ooc]
Anyway, as I said, for your first try, it was okay. I suggest against such a sudden ending next time, though.

This loli is not wearing any pants.
That renders your argument invalid.

jlg77

True, I should have made it longer.

My inspiration for the story was from Giga/Zeus omorashi videos, by the way.